In the prior two posts, I wrote on some struggles of both men and women. Today, I will once again write on a struggle that men face: work. As you read that last sentence, you are wondering about work. “Yeah, just shut up and work!” “Today’s young people don’t work like we used to.” You may have said or heard these statements. Let’s unpack the struggle of work that man are ACTUALLY facing—a balancing act.

Work is a different beast for all men. Some men go to jobs that they enjoy and some men go to jobs that they hate. Some men make a great salary and some do not. The idea of work has changed drastically over the years, especially since I started working as a teenager. Technology has changed how we work, how much we work, and where we work. While we can celebrate all that technology has done for our jobs, we need to look at what it has done to the working man: erosion of the heart.

Look around your homes, churches, and workplaces. Most men are bored, over-stressed, ticked off, or falling asleep. Men are twice as likely as women to have a heart attack. Why? We are out of alignment. We struggle between providing for the family and answering to The Man. Technology has now made us always available. There is no longer a clear line between work and non-work hours in many jobs. If you are in management or work non-traditional hours (cough-cough, umm…pastors) then you know the struggle.

Here are some ideas to help men and (those that want to support men) in the balancing act of work and life.

1. Don’t be like everyone else. This is boring and unrealistic. As a pastor, I work with many colleagues. What works for one pastor may not work for another. There are all types of variables: budget, staff, support from local church, stage in life, etc. I know some pastors who rarely take off work and some that are structured with their PTO. Find what works for you.
2. Please stop comparing generations of workers in their work ethic. This is an invalid argument. We all know people who were slackers in their jobs–regardless of their generation. We also know hard-workers! When we puff up our chest like “our generation” was the best and hardest-working, then we look nothing more than the village idiot.
3. Get a life! Find a hobby that you enjoy that is not work-related. If your only life is work than you have no life. Get outside and take a walk. Spend time with your loved ones. And spend less time trolling online.
4. Wholeheartedly support a guy. Men suffer more heart attacks than women because we are not as likely to process with others what is stressing us out. We bottle everything up until we explode or become passive. If you want to support a man, listen to him. Don’t try to fix him. You aren’t Jesus. Be present and be consistent.

There is something about a beautiful person that is captivating. When someone (friend, lover, family, stranger in the grocery store) is able to love others with their joy, bring light to dark situations, and has a generous heart, we stop and pause. Who is this person and what makes them this way? If they follow Jesus, we get even more mystified as we know many people who follow Jesus and yet are nasty to others.

As I mentioned in my previous post, the Church and Culture are not always kind to men (and women). One arrow that is continually shot at women involves their beauty. Beauty is not just outward appearance. Beauty is when a women is secure in who she is and in turn brings her unique self to others. She is free to love just how God loves her. A beautiful person (and woman) starts with finding who they are in God.

I know someone reading they may say, “well what if she does not believe in God?” You can be a beautiful person and not believe in God; however, this is where the struggle occurs. Where is the focus for your heart and mind? This is where the comparison game can haunt women. You see the mom on social media who seems to have it all together. Maybe, you see the wife who is always spoiling her husband. Lastly, you see the successful woman who is a rock star at work and church.

Here are some ideas to help you find who God created you to be…..

Find your identity in God. This will cause you everlasting joy that will surpass all of the temporary moments of happiness.  Where do you go to find beauty? What is your view of God? Your core beliefs are so important to who you are. Check your beliefs and your assumptions about God.

Break agreements. Every person has moments of struggling with self-worth. Take inventory of the agreements that you have made in your heart and mind. Agreements are things that we have accepted as true and we live them out. What agreements have you made that are unhealthy and unbiblical?

Live in joy. There is something about a person having a lovely or ugly spirit. I don’t mean their looks either! If you want to display beauty, then live from your heart. When you live in joy, ladies, you will set other women free (with God’s help) who have been held captive by what has been “expected” of them by weird societal and Church expectations. Who you are in God is what makes you beautiful–and fearfully and wonderfully made.

Good morning, friends! I do not write as much as I would like; however, I usually prefer to write a series of blogs that pertain to one particular topic. This series will feature the struggles of men and women. Why is this important? Because this is something that we usually do not talk about. We might read books, ponder these issues privately, or assume that other people are not experiencing the same struggles.

We will begin our series with the struggle of men and vulnerability. Vulnerability is the desire and actions to really be known by others. So, why do men struggle with the idea of vulnerability? I see several reasons why and they have come from arrows that the Church and Culture have thrown at us. (Note: Church is a generic term. Culture is society’s beliefs and worldviews and whatever is currently “trending” in the moment.)

Our unique role has been blurred. – No one seems to know what men should be these days. Log on to social media (yes, even your friends’ pages) and you will see a mess. Angry mom blogs tout women as the only provider for children. The Church sends mixed messages to men as well. Some groups within Christianity promote a view of masculinity that is overbearing, in control, and lord of all domains. The opposite groups within Christianity almost seem to not want men to be men at all. 

Where do we go with this mixed message? We find our identity as men in God and in the Scriptures. You won’t find your identity in a political party, neighborhood group, or your job title. All of these things will greatly fail you. A man will only find his identity in God; everything else is superficial or partially fulfilling.

Our systems do not encourage honest sharing. – Take one look around your workplace, church, or small group that you participate in. What would it look like to share authentically and from a spirit of vulnerability? How would your workplace handle it if someone finally called out the obvious in a staff meeting? Can you imagine a church gathering where someone shared that they have not talked to God in a long time struggle with a particular sin? Most responses to these situations would be short and lacking in wisdom.

We need to start fostering healthier systems in all aspects of our lives. We cannot ask people to be vulnerable and yet build systems that are more concerned with how things look than how things really are. Culture is everything. Examine your cultures that are venture into and ask yourself how you can improve these areas.

If you are a male and reading this, please find some other men that you can be real with. Men that will encourage you and also call you out on your bullcrap. If you are a female and reading this, please know that vulnerability for men (friend, lover, brother, etc.) is not something we easily do. When we trust you, it takes a lot!

Our next blog post will be on the Struggles of Women: Revealing Beauty.

This Sunday marks the beginning of Advent. Some churches and Christians celebrate Advent and some do not. For some people, it may seem weird to devote four weeks to Christmas. And yet, we already prepare for Christmas by decorating, planning parties, and buying gifts. Why not prepare your heart this Season?

Advent typically begins the Sunday after Thanksgiving; however, this year it begins on December 3. During the four weeks of Advent, we prepare for two things: the birth of Christ and the second coming of Christ. There is this tension between the Now and the Later. I will leave you with some ideas on preparing for Advent…

1. Check your traditions at the door. I am not saying abandon routines and habits that you and your loved ones hold dear; however, we do need to ask God about them. Do they bring life or drain you? Parents and grandparents, do your kids and grand-kids actually enjoy these traditions, or are they about appeasing you?
2. Slow down this holiday season. Enjoy some quiet evenings at home. Cook dinner with your family more often. Be intentional. It is okay to say “no” to the chaos that we often make the holidays.
3. Seek out joy. I know this sounds so silly and yet this is so imperative during the next 4 weeks of Advent/Christmas. Look for ways to experience and spread joy. Joy is what will sustain you during the long days of winter.
4. Don’t be a Grinch. If you don’t want to give gifts or participate in family events this season, then don’t. You may struggle during the holidays but don’t be a Grinch about it. Nothing kills the “reason for the Season” like a miserable Christian.

Stay tuned for more blog posts throughout this beautifully disruptive season of Advent.

This post is the second post in a series on The Power of Story. Today’s post focuses on truth and how we can get defensive about simple aspects of story–such as the meaning of “truth”.

“This is My truth” is a common phrase that has been used for the last couple years. There are normally several responses to this phrase and they usually are not healthy. One response is to get defensive and be ready to fight. This is a favorite defense mechanism in the Church as we somehow think arguing people into the Kingdom is a great idea. (Note: Look at the Gospels. Jesus never had to argue someone into the Kingdom). The stance taken in this argument is to downplay someone’s saying of “my truth” and replace it with “Jesus is the truth”. The issue with this you are not understanding why that person is saying “my truth”.

“My truth” is someone’s sharing of their story and what they have endured. Has it been overused sometimes in our culture? Yes, greatly! However, when someone shares their experience (especially in regards to trauma), telling them that “only Jesus is the truth” can be a little over the top. Jesus is the truth; however, this is something that a Jesus follower adheres to. And when someone shares “their truth”, they are not saying that Jesus is not the truth. They are simply stating their experience, perspective, trauma, etc–and how it has shaped them.

So in your story, how do you handle “truth”?

1. Get in the Word. Spend time getting to know Jesus and who he is.
2. Write down things that have happened to you that would deem as traumatic.
3. Review the traumatic things that have happened to you. Remember this, each event could involve pain due to the actions of others, yourself, or a mix of both. Own what is your responsibility. Grieve the wound.
4. Forgive the other person – in person or in your heart. It will set you free.
5. Remind yourself daily that your story and God’s story intertwine and to be mindful of where you are seeking truth from–aka: the news, social media, political allegiances, etc.

Everyone loves stories. Whether we are book readers or not, there is nothing better than hearing or telling a good story. Good stories cause us to stop what we doing, listen with intention, and want to share that particular story with others.

Your story is powerful. It is not powerful because of you willing it, being “self-made” (which is not a real thing but that is another blog post), or because it is about you. Quite the opposite, your story is powerful when God is the Author. Your story is powerful when you stop trying to play God and let God be who He is–God.

Here is where free-will comes into play. God gave us the choice of free-will because He did not want to force himself onto us. He gave us free-will because there is great security and freedom when someone chooses someone (God, friends, romantic partner) because they want to. Think about forced relationships, etc. I am not talking arranged marriages. Think of friendships where you tried to keep forcing it because of the length of friendship or what that friendship was. You keep forcing it and there is nothing there.

Relationships that we choose and willingly cultivate will lead to more joy and creativity in how we live out our God-inspired story. God wants to write your story. He loves you deeply. His love does not change based on your actions, weird political views, or how much money you make. Here is how to get to know the Author of your story………

• Check your assumptions about God (the Author). Do you view him as a God holding a magnifying glass and burning you (the ant) like in those old cartoons? Do you view God as someone who is only for the person who looks like they have it altogether? (Note: no one is perfect. No one!)
• Spend time in the Bible. Find a translation that works for you. I may be a pastor but I cannot stand the King James Version or New King James Version. I can’t picture Jesus talking in thees and thous.
• Talk to God. Just talk, cry, pray, yell, worship, etc. Just talk.
• Start to pay attention to how God is with you throughout your day.

In our next post, I will discuss “sharing your truth” when sharing your story.

I am pretty much a minimalist. I don’t have trinkets around. If it is in my house, it has a meaning or a memory attached. (Plus trinkets mean more dusting!) As I get ready to move on Monday, I go through every nook and cranny of my house. There are cards to re-read and gifts that I have been blessed with. There are things that need donated or given to people who will benefit from them like I did.

I stop packing and I begin to read some of the cards. I laugh at some of the quotes or memories people included. I am reminded of that funeral, baptism, or wedding that I officiated. I am reminded that God is in the details and He is using me even when I do not see it. It is a reminder that while I was only here 3 years, I did some good here in Jesus’ name.

If I can be real with you, the last year as a pastor has been exhausting. A financial crisis led to a church closing. Tons of extra meetings and planning. Decisions. More decisions. People acting weird. I continually prayed for Jesus to show me joy in the mud. And then it hit me during my time off after Christmas: relax.

When I came back from vacation after January 1, I started wearing jeans on Sunday mornings. I felt more relaxed. My preaching felt better. I rediscovered the WHY to why I said “yes” to my call in the first place. I had spent so much of the last year dealing with crises that it was difficult to see the fruits of my ministry. I took a step back and evaluated everything and I mean EVERYTHING.

Since moving here in 2020, I learned to take long walks up here in the countryside–especially in Autumn colors of gold, fire red, and burnt orange. However, I would continue my walks into the cold months of early 2023. The cold air would sometimes take my breath away and remind me that God is God, He is in charge (not man, government, or other groups), and I need Him A LOT! I continued to enjoy those walks in they were sometimes very conversational with Jesus and sometimes very still and peaceful.

As I close out my final days here, I choose joy. I choose joy over “this is the way it has always been done.” Nothing diminishes our creativity (and God’s) than playing it safe. I choose joy over failure. We learn from failure, but it does not define us when we keep brushing ourselves off and getting back up. I choose joy over what we did not accomplish in my time here and yet celebrate what we ACTUALLY accomplished.