The definition of beauty has been defined and redefined on a daily basis. What measures a woman’s beauty? Who measures a woman’s beauty? And once we figure out how beauty is measured---where do we go from there?
Whether you consider yourself a spiritual person or not---God made you. He knows every part of yourself that you love and every part that you dislike. He knows your body parts that you are continually comparing to other women and in this, you feel like a failure. God knows where this heartbreak comes from. Restoration is possible.
To help someone restore what is beautiful in them, we must explore their heartbreak. What lies have they believed for a very long time that are shaping them currently? What traumatic and painful events in their life are they scrambling to make sense of....yet still grasping at shattered pieces of their past?
We have set up women in today's culture for failure. We value hotness (pure outer appeal) and the words beauty and beautiful make people cringe---especially women. Saying a woman is a beautiful person, looks beautiful, etc, it is not received well. The reason acknowledging beauty is not received well is because beauty reaches to the soul of a woman.
It is easier to say people are hot. It's easier to spit out the words "you are hot" because it says I can know little about you and put a value on you. To say someone is beautiful, it says you value that whole person. You value the person's heart and we all know how important our hearts are. Valuing the whole self of a person is unheard of in today's culture. When you value someone, you value all of them and that includes the messy and not so beautiful stuff.
The messy stuff within someone---it did not work its way into that person overnight. Years may have passed with that person carrying the weight of that burden. Heartbreak and heartache that have not been addressed--continue to wreak havoc on that person's soul. To help a woman rediscover herself from within; it takes a few steps (with her) that are not necessarily time-friendly.
1. Admit brokenness. Before anyone can address their wounds, they must admit they are broken. Brokenness does not mean that someone is damaged goods. Brokenness is admitting that you need help, healing, and a plan to move forward....in time.
2. Know your influences. Ladies, this is vital. Are the people in your life building you up to become a better person or are they keeping you stuck? People that build you up will accept the messy stuff as you try to see true beauty. If you want to know your influences, look at the people around you. Could you be honest with them about the inner hell you are going through and are they capable of processing that burden with you? Or do they take a selfie quick and run away?
3. Write it out. In a journal or some safe place, write out where you are in need of healing. Write out the feelings and write out the people or places associated with those feelings. Do you see any correlation between your brokenness and certain people or places? Maybe you are scared to love today due to trauma in the past. Maybe you grew up with a weird view of God that makes you cringe when you think of organized religion. I am a firm believer that more people have experienced trauma than they realize, they just need someone to listen to them process it.
Disclaimer: if you don't like to write. Just talk to someone you trust.
4. Know your worth in God. Yes, we are going to get spiritual here. Know your worth in God because that is who made you. What makes your heart fully alive? Dancing? Art? Sports? Spending time with people you love? Remember, why you do what you do is vital here. Some people lose themselves in their hobbies or they give so much of themselves that they do not know who they are. Finding balance in your life is key. Know the difference between serving others and investing in yourself.
Your beauty is in your heart coming alive and this flowing outward into the lives of others. People (men and women) can look well put together but if their heart is wicked or they have a secret agenda, watch out.
Know your heart, ladies. When did you last feel fully alive?
5. Live a life of relationship and not religion. Religion keeps things nice and orderly. This would serve its purpose in a college course or in a Boy Scout meeting but not in the real world. People need a life that allows for margin; time for work, play, and rest. The religious life that many of us have been taught (and it sucks) is a life of obligation, routine, and boredom.
If you want to test my theory, do a social experiment. If you see a lot of guys at church and they look bored--they know religion. If you see a lot of women at church and they are tired from church functions--they know religion. Productivity and longevity in the Christian world does always equate to authentic inner growth.
Love God. Love others. Don't get caught up in bullcrap.
6. Tell your story. Our culture seems to put a false price tag on those that seem to have it together. We should value the story of struggle and rising up out of the ashes. If you have overcome something, know your comfort level in sharing your story. Maybe you only tell a few people or maybe you tell millions but know your story--matters. You matter!